Mapping the state-Day 1

The Blueprint to Corruption.

In this project I will be “Mapping the state” in the only way I know how. With the grace of God, Allah and Bertie Ahern and with humor. All views are my own and do not express the views of anyone else or any sane people.


The people own the shit. They are the boss and they elect the dudes that elect the dudes. They directly elect the President, our head of state, the local government who handle the silly little crap like bins and planning permission and who builds public toilets where and for how much they build said “crapper”.

They also elect the representatives to the European Parliament who deal with the price of tomatoes and what color they should be for all the people of Europe.They elect the DON, and in this state officially the DON is the president. It’s like a mafia family and the Don is our President. He is our head of state, he appoints not only the courts but the Taoiseach and the ministry of the country. Now we do elect them…..he apoints them.

Now the most important thing they do, and they do it all too often these days is elect the  members of parliament of this state. Now depending on what party wins the most seats this directly affects who runs the government.

The government is formed by a Taoiseach. The boss. The unofficial leader who appoints his cabinet which consists of Ministers, who run the departments like health and foreign affairs and junior and super-juniors who run the crap departments like “overseas development” and “flood relief”.  Under these lads are the civil servants and senior civil servants who runs the various departments and go on strike a lot. Now we also have a second house which they call the upper house, or the Seanad, which is “Mickey Mouse” Irish for senate.

They are not directly elected by the people instead they are elected by the Taoiseach, the Dail, local authority the civil service and certain large education facilities run by upper classes and not answerable to anyone. Their job is to Ponce about and discuss certain bills that are given to them by the dail and ratify them. The european parliament and Local government are both accountable to and directly elected by us, the great unwashed however the Seanad is not.

Mapping the State-Day 2-The Judiciary


In this section I will be talking about the Judiciary and the courts system in Eire. For day one see Mapping the state-Day 1

The courts. The law. The dudes in black robes who make money out of people’s misery. The district courts do a lot of the monkey stuff. The tele licence people and traffic violations but they also refer issues for the higher courts, the Central Criminal Court which deals with criminal law and the high court for other matters.

The circuit courts do what theses dudes do but are mobile and travel to the bigger towns. Like Ashbourne. Decisions made in the circuit courts and district courts can be appealed in high court.

Decisions made in the CCC can be appealed in the court of criminal appeal. Both can be appealed in the supreme court which is the boss of the whole bag of eggs. Its like the headmaster of the school.

Oh and then there is the secret dudes. The special criminal court. Now theses lads are serious dudes, and their decisions can only be appealed by the supreme court and the President. They deal with the nasty dudes who can’t be put in front of a jury of their peers so it is run only by the judges. Sinn Fein don’t like this court for some reason. Nobody knows why but it might have something to do with their private army.

Mapping the State-Day 3-Local Government and State Departments


The Local government or as my father likes to call them the useless County bastard Council. These are the dudes who handle the crap….literally. They deal all the local stuff like sewage pipes and roads and parks and arts grants for their cousin who is putting on a play about China in the Millbank in Rush and if you are Fingal County Council; you  open a lot of golf courses. There are tons of these gits and their size and budget depends on the size of the population of each region they control. So, Dublin City Council which deals with the population of the inner city and surrounding areas would have a lot more members and a much larger budget than Monaghan County Council who have a few frightened sheep and a naked dude named Ted living there. The county councils are independent to the government but like everything else in this rotten state they like to put the begging bowl out for a euro or two and when they do they go to the department of Environment, Community and Local Government.Its a local department…..”for local people.”

These lads are directly elected by us, the people and usually elected in the midterm of the national parliament hence why you get a lot of angry people voting for the local candidate from the “National Trostky Socialist Workers United Party” but you may never hear of this party on a national level because look we’re idiots but we know these dudes can’t run a country.

State Ministries and Proximity To The Taoiseach


Some ministries are more important than others like some women are not as important to me as beer. And depending on the importance of the ministry it budget and size differs. The Taoiseach as the boss mostly decides which of his ministers gets the big roles. The juiciest role has always been and will always be Minister for Finance cause he’s the dude with the bank account that payrolls the whole bag of cats. Social Protection, Health and Education are also massive department as they deal with us mere plebs who need stuff like food and education and the odd time we might even get a doctor if the HSE lets us. Now the proximity to the Taoiseach is very interesting, because there right beside Enda is the Ministry of Defense, and why would you ask if Eire is supposed to be neutral would it be so close to the Taoiseach? I would suggest its this very reason that it is. And although the President is the Commander-in Chief of our armed forces, it is one that because of our unique constitution is a special case.

If you look closely at the map you will also see that the least important ministry in Eire is Arts, Heritage and the Gealteacht. Nobody gives a crap about this one despite our reputation as poets and writers and such. In fact the Gealteacht part is hilarious because the last two ministers couldn’t speak any Irish at all….go figure.


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