Why The Irish Should Never Play Soccer Again

1. It’s an English Sport Anyway!!!

It’s not meant for us. It’s for them. Michael Collins didn’t spend twenty years chasing the British hun out of Ireland with a hurley stick only to have the feckers creep back in through the back door via Lansdowne Road. Look at how disappointed Eamonn De Valera is with you all!!!


2. We are too fecking ugly for soccer!!!

Let’s face it. We’re Irish. We cant compete with Ronaldo in the looks stakes. We have to know our limitations and leave the modelling to the camogie girls.

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3. John Delaney

Wouldnt it be great to see that useless git unemployed for a while. Look at him there.  What a plank!!!

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4. There’s not enough violence

It’s a touchy-feely mammy-boys game. “Oh, you stood on my toe. Now I have to fall around the ground crying”  If you’re not coming home without a concussion from a match lads, then its not a sport. Nothing happens in soccer for 90 minutes except two lads tapping a ball to each other. It’s not even the right ball. It’s not a football unless it has O’Neills written on it. While on this subject, what’s with all the  “Loriel. Cause I’m worth it” hairstyles in soccer? The only product you should be using in your hair during a match is your opponents blood.


5. We’re shite at it.

We are. We’re shite. Might as well just leave the other  lads and head for a pint. Mines a double!!!



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